Friday, March 4, 2011

Random Things I Should've Known but Ultimately had to Learn on My Own (part 1)

Winter guidelines:
  • If you're not sure how to open it, Don't close it.
  • While the fresh fallen snow looks really pretty and fluffy, it's not so nice when you're locked out of the house. . . . barefoot.
  • It's true . . . Your tongue WILL stick to it.
  • Ice is slippery
  • Butts do break
  • Pretty winter boots are not necessarily warm boots or safe boots
  • Running through deep snow causes deep muscle pain and deep breathing
  • Lungs do freeze
Household guidelines:
  • The clothes dryer is not really as fun as it looks
  • While playing hide and seek, the best hiding spot is not the freezer (even if no one will find you there)
  • The dishwasher does not load itself
  • While owning a vacuum cleaner is a good thing, using it is a better thing.
  • You can't do ALL the laundry in HOT water
  • Separating colors and whites is highly recommended
  • Pink clothes are only good if they were pink when you bought them
  • If it didn't come from your body, don't flush it.
  • If there's water in your light fixture, check the upstairs bathroom
  • When the power goes out . . . the microwave does not work
  • Nor does the garage door opener
  • Nor does the cordless phone (even if you are trying to order pizza)
  • Kids really do say the darnedest things
  • Don't threaten your school aged children with severe bodily injury (even if it is in jest)
  • Teachers don't have the best sense of humor
  • Nor does the Department of Family Services
  • Boy children do not like pink clothes